Car Sleep

We all do it. I have such a love/hate for it. I am super bored in the car, so OK I will try to go to sleep. Then I realize that I cannot sleep without opening my mouth. I, for some reason, hate that. You look stupid sleeping that way.

"That's what she said" Update

I feel enough time has gone by that I think in certain situations it could still be funny. Before I only thought Michael Scott could say it for me to approve. Now, I think it has aged in such a way to the point where I find the humor in it. I look at it the same way I view the word "phat." Its old enough to use again. I have come to realize that that is my main problem in life. I cannot stop using things that have aged and are sort of weird to say in 2008. I say them. I say even say "peace out." The problem lies when I meet new people. I do not stop the weird language. Sometimes people get freaked out. But they are stupid anyways because obviously I am joking and obviously they are idiots.

So go on and if someone says, "Put it in!" please, be my guest, just say it.

Big Cupid

need love? check it out.

Living Alone

I recently got an apartment of my own. By recently, I mean I have been living here for roughly about 45 minutes. From this experience, I have come to the conclusion that its quite boring. I unloaded my bags from Target. That took about 10 minutes. Then I made oatmeal in a leftover gladware container left by the previous owners, microwaved it and then realized I did not get utensils yet. Eating oatmeal from a straw is dumb and weird. Now I am contemplating a nap. I understand there are perks to living alone but I also now know that its completely boring. Especially when its completely bare from furniture or any form of entertainment. Stealing the internet from the neighbors is the best thing that has happened thus far on my journey of living alone.

Hello again, world

Ok. So, I am back. Due to recent popularity of my blog, I decided that I needed to put a stronger effort towards making the best blog that my long fingers could type. The best blog in buffalo 2009, if you will. Topics were running low and I knew I needed more. I decided to travel the world to expand my mind, body, and soul so that my blog topics would become virtually endless. I went to London, NYC, Stockholm, Mexico, Newark, Paris, Rome, Grove City, Barcelona, etc. I rammed around the world to enhance my blog. So to all of you who suffered long work days refreshing this page over and over only to never find a change; worry no more. I did this for my fans. I did this for Best of ArtVoice 2009. Most importantly, I did this for you. So, please, sit back, relax and get ready for a new set of blogs to come your way.
A hug,
Roxyjme

"That's what she said"

enough already.


lol

Updates

Its hard to update blogs all the time. But I started the bloggers lifestyle, so it's my duty to keep updating it. Just do not hate me for not always updating it because its not always easy. I don't have google analytics for goodness sake. Is it weird to say "oh my goodness"? I think its nice. Should the ? go inside the quotes? I feel like it shouldn't so I didn't but I'm really not sure. I did not major in English. I did however get the Most Improvement Award (The Gammerman Award) last semester in my writing class. I got it because I did not care about the class and had other homework to do when the first assignment was due and I was aware that we could always resubmit the paper for a regrade. So i turned in a 40% paper. I was expecting more of a 10% but what did I care? I could resubmit it! Anyways by the end of the semester it was an A paper, hence the biggest improvement in the class. lol. I have a certificate to show you. I could care less about certificates. They are so lame. But I mean, it's nice. They are trying to be nice. and I see that.

I just hope that no one hates me for not updating my blog. I'm sorry for being busy. In a really short time (12 days!), my college life will be complete and I will have nothing to do for a few months. I will sleep the majority of it. But the times I am awake I will blog my life away. I will also play some basketball. Hopefully racquetball. Maybe poker. Maybe bake some cupcakes for my friends. Maybe get a makeover. I dunno. The usual. But just understand that school is taking over my life and blogs will come in the near future. I do not know what else will come in the future. Hopefully new technologies. Like drive through grocery shopping. I think that is such a good idea. Order online. It tells you to pick it up in 30 min or whatever. Then you drive up. I did watch this weird thing on youtube about new technologies too. They are going to connect all Flickr photos so viewing the world will constantly be updated every second. It's hard to explain, but really cool. But ya, I'll blog soon.

Jerks

It has come to my attention that I have major mixed feelings about rude people. Rude people meaning a dick or a bitch. I realized that I kind of like these people and I also kind of hate these people. Please let me elaborate. When a man is a dick to stupid bitches, I think he is funny. When he is a dick to me, he deserves death. When a bitch is annoying, I will hate her. When a bitch is rude to other people for me so I do not have to be, I like her a lot. When a bitch is not just a bitch but a stupid bitch, I would prefer she did not exist. When a bitch or dick do mean things just to be mean, I do not like them. See, this is complicated. I guess what I am trying to say is that a dick/bitch can be rude to other dicks/bitches and I am ok with it. More than ok, I encourage it, mainly for my humor and that they deserve it. It's nice to find the good in everyone.

Colors

I am annoyed that you can only wear certain colors at certain times. I feel like I cannot wear red and green unless its around Christmas time. This annoys me. I want to wear red and green more than one little season. It is not fair that Christmas claimed those colors. It makes me bitter towards the season of giving.
Currently, its a few days after St. Patty's day. I have a green coat. Now it feels a little awkward to wear because people just think in their heads that I'm a little late on wearing it. And, omg, I just realized that on March 18th everyone probably thought I was a huge sl*t because you always think that when you see a girl walking in the afternoon with something that she should have been wearing last night.
Of course I wore the coat on March 17th and of course someone said something. "Oooh! so festive!!" I just want to get decked out in green when its not St. Pattys day. I just want to wear red, white, and blue without having too much pride. I just want to wear orange and black when its not Halloween. LoL I don't really care about those two colors together. But I do just hate associations. I can't wear yellow and black without thinking of a bee. Thank goodness I don't know anything about sports teams. If you are into sports, how do you wear colors? Every color you wear you would be supporting some team. Gross. But we all need to wear a little color sometimes. You can't always wear black or your parents will think you went goth. I guess what I am trying to say is that you shouldn't be racist.

Weird People

talks to him/herself. doesn't seem to know they have hair. eyes never seem to be looking in right direction. pant length confusion. own little world. scrunchies. transition lenses. frizzy/greasy hair. balding in weird places. overly intrigued by science. sports Pooh gear. likes egg salad. acne. rarely uses cell phone or does not have one. never wore make up. concerned about animals/environment. exceptional computer skills. spends saturday night either: surfing the internet, watching weird tv stations, experimenting with cat, or creating a bomb. weird weight. band aids. owns a reptile. pasty. wears free tshirts. wakes up a little too early. lacks all types of social skills. coordinationless. really nice unless too angered by how cruel the world has treated them. dancing is optional but in no way sexy/good. farts freely. obsessed with some musical. fantasizes about life with person they never spoke to. weird parents. does not party due to either lack on invite or lack of social skills.

its weird to be normal.

Top 8

Ok, actually I will talk about your top 8 on myspace. Such a dramatic situation. There are several roles that one can play when referring to your Top 8. You are usually one of the following:

The Mysterious Myspacer: You are the one that uses the code to hide your top 8. Clever. You stay out of drama. You try to not take myspace too seriously. Kudos.

The Change-Top 8-Allthetimer: You are tricky. One day I am in the top row, the next I'm closer to the middle. Make up your mind! I am glad to be on your myspace, but I question what I did to keep moving down. And why do you like "Kristen" more than me sometimes? She is annoying.

The Top Million Spacer: You have the max top friends that you can have. Why? It is kind of weird and annoying to see that many people. I understand you are super popular and have too many friends to decide who to chop off, but come on. It's a little much. And the people that did not make your top million must feel pretty crappy.

The Pretend That Order Doesn't Matterer: Oh, please. You thought a little bit about it because your bestest friend is first.

The Good Spacer: You have achieved perfection to your myspace page. You have your bestest friends layed out perfectly on your Top 8-12. You are stable in life.

The Top Bands Spacer: You have drama in your life. You cannot choose your top 8 so you hide behind it by filling it with bands instead. Sure, its a good way to get rid of your ex, but we all know that is why you did that.

The Never Change Iter: You can't move on. You know the person should not be on your myspace anymore because you have not talked to that person in a really long time, but it would be weird to change it. Or the Never Change Iter could also just be someone that is not that into myspace.

The Still Has Tom on Top 8er: You really could care less about who you have on your top 8. Or you are pretty funny.

These are the 8 kinds of top 8 people that myspace produces. Which one are you?

Deleting Friends

SUCH A BIG DEAL. To friend someone is not a big deal. I mean, I have ignored several people since I have started my facebook/myspace accounts, but I truly have to not know the person at all to be so rude as to ignore their friendship. Even if I met a person once and they friend me, ok, a little weird, but I will still accept this internet relationship that we are starting. I always wanted to friend a man that I met once and then when he accepts it, put "it a relationship with" him. I think it would be so funny and creepy. But I can't get myself to do something that creepy.
Last year, I was browsing around on facebook only to discover that my former friend from high school DEFRIENDED me! What a jerk. What did I ever do to him? And the only reason I discovered it was because I was going to post something nice and funny on his wall! Omfg, what a jerk. Then I saw him in real life. He was nice to me! But all I could think about was how he actually took the time to find my name and press "remove friend." It is weird how such a dumb little thing means a lot. Do not even get my started on Top 8 drama.

The Gauntlet

Do you know about the Gauntlet? Those MTV Real World vs Road Rules challenge thingys. I'll admit, I like watching them. Something about annoying bitches and extremely large muscley men duking it out amuses me. It just really confuses me. The people turn into animals. They are no longer humans. They are heartless f*cks that should be really embarrassed that they are actually doing this. I understand money is cool and its fun to win, but to make yourself seem like a weird psycho bitch to the entire world, makes the money not so tempting. On the contrary, I would be awesome at all of the challenges. I am pretty sure I would win everything. I know I could beat Coral. But Ok, I'm only admitting to beating the girls. Cause they are really all whiney stupid bitches. Or just a bitch. Or just stupid. But the guys on the other hand. I would lose every challege. I just do not understand where these men exist. They are all over 6'million" and over 220 lbs of muscle. The only guys I see would be pushing it if they said they weighed 145 lbs regardless of how tall they are. Its fine to be a skinny, real normal, mostly because 'roid ragers are real weird. But it just makes MTV real mean because they are not showing the other 99% of the type of people in this world. Real World should be called Unreal Man Bodies and Extreme-super Bitch show. Ok well, I have been to the gym. I have seen some guys over 145lbs. But they are mostly fat. Fat and muscley. Or maybe I should search more in a frat house for this type of male. But then, I do not want to search for this because if I ever found a man that is that annoying and in love with himself and that loud when he gets mad, I would hate him with my whole heart.
But I will continue to watch these fake people do extreme things and cry and fight and drink.

Locker Room Nudity

This is really getting to me. It is so gross. The only nude people are the grossest ones. Regardless of if you are gross looking or not, please refrain from this! It's always gross.
Today I am writing about this blog topic because I was outraged by the nudity I witnessed. I go into the locker room and prepare for a shower. I hate taking showers there, but due to my schedule I am forced to shower in these sick showers. The showers are set up with personal showers on the end and community showers in the middle. WHY WOULD YOU USE THE OPEN COMMUNITY SHOWER IF THERE ARE PRIVATE ONES OPEN? The saggiest/sickest old lady chose community. I would have given her the death glare to let her know that know one needs that, but I immediately put my head down and headed straight for my own shower. I understand that we are all girls. Ok, ya I get it. But you are gross looking. This is not Europe. I feel uncomfortable.
I am just really confused. My biggest concern is why. As I was walking to my locker there is this girl standing in front of her locker brushing her hair, NAKED. WHY????????????? Your clothes are right next to you!!!!!!! PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON FIRST YOU NAKED FREAK. Today I also witnessed a lady walking towards the showers naked with her towel in her hand. OMG just wear the towel. WHY CANT YOU JUST WEAR THE TOWEL?! I just do not get it. I guess the locker room is just everyones chance to be free. I do not want to be apart of it. I just want to change my clothes as fast as I can with no one seeing me. I do not think I am weird. I think it is very normal.

The Morning

Ughhh. Kill me. That is usually my first thought after the 5th snooze. Snooze is stressful to me. I know I need to get up, but I cannot. I just cannot. So I snooze. It's the most uncomfortable 5 minutes ever. If I sleep during the snooze the sleep seems like I just blinked and then I hear that horrible noise right away. Or, if I can't physically get up, but I also cannot fully sleep, I just am in my bed waiting to hear the horrible noise. Ew, it's so miserable. I believe that the world would be 10 times happier if we banned alarms. Just wake up when you feel like it. Ok, things would be a lot less productive, but I have time. I can wait. If I become CEO of a company, I am going to have a few policies. Come to work when you wake up. Stay until you cannot really use your brain anymore (expected ~ 1.5 hours). Fridays: off. No one is productive on Fridays. Naps: optional. Everyone would be so nice! If you have ever worked in an office, you know that people are actually doing the work they need to be doing about 5 to 20% of the day. Why force someone to stay longer? It just makes everyone grumpy.
The only morning I ever liked in my life was Christmas. The first year I slept in for Christmas was weird. It's when I knew I was a woman and not a girl. JK, I have never thought that. But regardless, it was weird. I could wait to open gifts? I'm so mature! But the gift of sleep has become much more important to me these days. I would sleep 14 hours a day if I could. I would be happy. I know I would actually be crabby when I would be awake because when you oversleep you get tired too which completely does not make sense to me but ok I would be crabby but then I would think about how much sleep I just had and inside I would be all fuzzy and happy but crabby outside.
It physically hurts me to speak 20 minutes after I get out of my bed. DONT MAKE ME SAY GOOD MORNING TO YOU. I give my roommates the "Goodmorning" eye, but they don't get it. They want the words. Too painful. The "goodmorning" eye turns into a death glare and I head straight to the bathroom. Can't help it. The morning is a terrible time. It's usually a dreaded day ahead of me which just makes it all the worse. But even if its an awesome day to be excited for, when I'm in my bed, I do not want to get out. No, never. Ever.
I recently had to be at the airport for this silly internship I am doing. I have to reduce the wait time of the morning check-in lines. I have to be there at 3:30AM. This is no joke. If it was a joke, it would be the cruelest joke in the entire world. So anyways, it was real and I kept a journal of my first day at work:
3:25 - Arrived
3:26 - No coffee available, thought otherwise when arriving. Regret not stopping at Tim Hortons.
3:30 - Want to take a nap
3:33 - No one really here. Kind of weird.
3:40 - Noah and I observe the TSA staff coming in.
3:47 - We decide that we are going to come in at 4:00AM for the future Mondays.
3:48 - Coffee still unavailable. Eyes drooping.
4:04 - Lights come on. Things are picking up.
4:09 - Coffee place lights come on. A little hopeful.
4:12 - Stand up to get come energy
4: 13 - Did not work
4:15 - Eat apple that brought for lunch for energy
4:22 - Walked around again. Obtained no information.
4:27 - Getting busy.
4:28 - Still no coffee. Confused/tired
4:35 - Coffee man behind counter. Still not open. Fake out.
4:40 - Noah and I were productive for 3 minutes!!
4:43 - Starting to get looks from workers.
4:53 - WTF!!! No coffee. Feeling hopeless.
4: 59 - Coffee open! Feeling alright.
5:00 - $3.48 for Large coffee and apple.
5:01 - Annoyed. Put 4 sugar packets in.
5:02 - Forgot I was supposed to meet lady at 5:00. She was waiting for me. Already messed up.
5:20 - Met 2 nice ladies.
5:25 - Huge lines. Where did they come from?
5:43 - Realize there is no solution to making the wait time shorter.
5:44 - Project: Screwed
5:46 - Observed 3 people wearing head pillows in line. Weird.
5:55 - Heard someone say this time was early. Body hurt with anger.

Then I got too tired to write anymore for the rest of my time spent there.

Some things:
I would be upset for 3 days if someone woke me up by pouring cold water on me.
I would like my little cousins 20 times more if they did not find such joy at waking me up at 8:00AM every time they come to visit.
2 hour delays in high school were the best things ever. Sleep in. School is obviously not productive and you never have to make up the day of. Jack pot.
How long do you have to sleep to get morning breath?

In conclusion, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. But I do find it weird that my favorite and least favorite times are spent in the same place. I am happiest now because I am about to sleep. I am most miserable in the same spot, but listening to my alarm ring.
What a world.

Tea

I love tea. Never did I ever until this past month. Now, I am obsessed. I feel like it is cleansing my soul and keeping me awake at the same time! I also have sleepy tea. It does not make me sleepy. I believe it is a mind trick and if I believe it makes me sleepy then I would get sleepy. But I did not let my mind work its powerful magic and I stayed up for 3 hours after I chugged my sleepy tea down.
Sad story: Yesterday, I went to Spot Coffee and ordered Pink Grapefruit Green Tea!!! So good! So hot though. We sat on the couch. Then my friend came to join us so we had to move over to make room. My friends currently sitting on the couch had no consideration for the scolding hot tea on my lap and decided to make room for my other friend real quick and moved around real fast causing my tea to pour all over my pants. It hurt. I wanted to scream. I was in a public area so I was able to restrain my scream by making the saddest frown I could for several minutes.
Speaking of getting burned. At the age of 4, I did not understand why the coils turned red on the stove when my mother made me Ramen noodles. When she took the pan off, I rested my entire palm including fingers on the red coils. I was real blistery and had to draw a cat in preschool with my left hand. I sucked at it, so my BFF helped me draw it. She drew the whiskers all wrong and I was pissed.
Back to Spot. Before all the chaos happened with the huge spillage on my legs, I had another incident before. As I was ordering, the worker asked me what my plans for the evening were so he could have a quick convo with me for a nicer tip. My plans for the evening were to attend an art gallery because my friend has some work up at it. Never do I go to art galleries on a Saturday night. Actually, never do I really go to art galleries on any night. I am just not that kind of person. I like art, ok, but plz understand what I mean. But, just like a typical Spot customer, I got my tea and told the worker that I was attending an art gallery.
I felt typical.
I hate feeling typical.

My cat has a really comfy cat bed and was sleeping on the kitchen floor instead one day. My friend said, "why doesn't Mitch ever sleep in his cat bed?" I said, "Because that would just be too typical."

Basketball

I used to want to play in the WNBA. Why? Ew, I don't know. I was tall. That is basically it. When I was in second grade I was taller than my teacher. Obvz she was insanely short. But she was an actual human and I was actually taller than her (we went back to back). So I figured it was my destiny to play basketball. I joined the team in my community and was pretty awesome. My mom thought I was precious because I smiled for about 10 minutes after every shot I made. But then I reached a point where my game matured and I no longer smiled when I scored. Then one time in third grade, I had the ball and a girl grabbed the ball and we were both holding on tight.
She bit me.
Less out of pain and more out of shock I quickly released the ball and stared at my arm. Bite marks? From a girl? In third grade? What a f*cking weirdo!!!!! I wish I could meet her now. She is probably one of those booger eating outcasts that wears tweety bird tye dye t-shirts, I'm sure.
So by the time I got to fifth grade, I felt that basketball was my calling. In 5th grade you can join the junior varsity team at my school. I was the only fifth grader that played in the game and not the fifth quarter. Was this typical to have fifth quarters? I think they were nothing but rude and embarrassing. You sucked if you played in the fifth quarter. I would rather not play than display my suckiness to the world in the fifth quarter. But anyways, I played in the real game. I didn't start or anything, but chill out, I still played. So when we were playing Sacred Heart, I was on the bench chatting my life away with my friends when I hear my coach calling my name to come in! Oh NO! I was not paying attention at all. Zone or Man? Oh shoot. So I quickly ask the girl that I am replacing what is going on. Ok, I am guarding #23. Ok. I go in. I am right under the hoop and somehow the ball is just rolling. I get it. I shoot. A simple layup. I miss. Get the rebound. Shoot. Miss. Shoot. Miss. Shoot. Miss. (please note: all of this is true without exaggeration) Shoot. Miss. "Wait" I think to myself. "Where is everyone?" Then it hit me. I looked behind me. Everyone was staring at me. I looked at the ref. He was pointing for me to go to the other side. OMFG! I shot at the wrong hoop. I shot at the wrong hoop a million times and missed each time. I gave the ball to the point guard. Continued for the few minutes remaining.
and
wanted
to
die.
The positive thing that came out of that experience was I used it as my most embarrassing story for the next 5 or so years of my life. I used it until I replaced it with when I fell down an entire flight stairs in my high school as a stupid Freshman and everyone saw and I was bleeding in four places.
Eighth grade. I somehow continued to play basketball even after the mortifying experience. And I was still super good. I did the jump ball and I am pretty sure I did not even jump. Tippy toe and got it every time. That was my goal. Win the jump ball every time. I got MVP. I ruled.
High school. Ok, this is when I realized I am not that good. I made the team but stayed on the bench 24/7. I did not mind it too much cause I liked the other bench warmers. And I was getting to the age where being that manly was kinda grossing me out. The varsity coach came to our practice once and gave us nicknames.
Dancing Bear. He seriously gave me Dancing Bear. WHO CALLS A GIRL A DANCING BEAR!
I somehow continued to play through my sophomore year. It was then that I hit a major milestone. We were playing Mercyhurst, our biggest rivals, and everyone came to watch. We were undefeated. They were undefeated. This game was super important. The game was really intense, but we were super good so we were winning by 8 points near the end of the game. With one minute left, I turn to my teammates on the bench and say, "What if coach put me in now? That would be so mean." We laugh at the thought. Not playing the whole game and then just playing for the last minute. What a pity minute. How embarrassing that would be. But I got a little nervous. They would do something like that. So I watch the clock slowly go down. 30 seconds left. Phew, I am not going in. Good.
Then, with 1.7 seconds left in the game I hear, "JAMIE!" WTF. Why is coach calling my name? I look at her. She yells at me to get in. I give her the deadliest death glare my eyes could produce. "ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!" I respond. "No, GO IN!" Stupid Bitch. I go in for the f*cking 1.7 seconds. I stood there. Holding back tears. We won. I could not have been sadder. I did not try out my junior year. I ended my basketball career.

Man Boobs

One good thing about being a girl is that I do not have to live my life stressing every day about whether or not I am growing man boobs. If I were a man, it would be a major concern of mine. In my opinion, you do not need to have sexy pecs, but plz do not have man boobs. If you are fat, then its more ok. Its more accepted. But the sucky part of that is: you're fat.
I believe that man boobs on slightly normal sized men are the worst thing that could happen to an alright looking guy. Like a little chunkadunk of a boy but with very apparent man boobs. Oh gawd. Poor dude.
If I were a guy, I would not be super into the gym. For the same reasons why I wouldn't gel my hair and constantly take jager bombs. But what if my man body was prone to getting all fatty in the chest area? Ugh. It would just be depressing. I would spend a lot of my time trying to wear a tight shirt underneath a baggier shirt. But then what if I was going to get laid that night and then she saw how tight my undershirt was and then she didn't like me anymore. But then maybe I wouldn't worry about that because let's face it. I have man boobs. I most likely am not getting laid.

side note: finding a pic for this blog really grossed me out.

Stupid People

I am for them not existing. What a waste! OK well, I do not think we should kill them because they take over the jobs that I never want or did have when I was 16 and that is helping me live my life so I guess that I actually appreciate stupid people. But I do not appreciate having conversations with stupid people. It takes a lot for me to think you are stupid. I give at least 3 ditzy remarks per conversation before I conclude stupidity. If you are reading this blog, congrats! You're not stupid. I believe that only my friends read this blog and I am only friends with nonstupids. I kind of think people that listen to country music are stupid. I have a few friends that listen to country music and are not stupid though. I think they just fall under the freakishly weird category of my friends. I really do not understand country. I feel like it is sweeping over our nation and it makes my stomach hurt. People will say, "Jamie, you used to like the Dixie Chicks." My response: I was in 5th grade! We are all stupid then! But apparently television has proved that we are not stupid when we are in fifth grade. In fact, apparently they are all smarter than us. Ugh, that show makes me mad too. I do not care if you can name all the Presidents or do long division or whatever they do on that stupid show. I just want to have a conversation without thinking you are so f*cking stupid in the back of my head.

That's all.

Eye Contact

I'm not into it. I'm too good at being creepy about it. I am not sure if all of the people I speak to realize that I am very weak in this area. I think they do. I think maybe I never understood the proper way to socialize. I hate looking people in the eye. Ew. I just do not want to. I am not good at it. I either never do or overdo. I just completely prefer looking down. Or at something sicker on your face.
Interviews are the worst. "Don't forget good eye contact!" they all tell me. So I think I just stare them down and they hire me because they fear my laser eyes. I think that is it. So maybe it is good that I do the eye contact thing too intensely. I will scare my way to the top.
Intense eye contact may work in the work world, but it does not however, produce boyfriends.

Ren & Stimpy

I like this show. I have liked it since I was a young child. My father would watch it with me. I recently just rewatched it. I still like it. The close up parts are interesting. It is pretty gross. I do not know why I liked it as a child. I liked it so much that I begged my parents for a Stimpy doll. Then one day, I went to Toys R Us and my parents said today was the big day where I could finally have my own Stimpy doll. I was so happy. I got to the aisle and there he was. So cute. But there were only a few Stimpys left and a million Rens were still on the racks. Poor Ren. Nobody wanted a Ren doll. I got the Ren doll out of pity. He farted when you squeezed his stomach.
Good choice.
I do not know why I was such a boy and liked things like that as a child. My sister and I would play 007 more than any boy would. My father only had two daughters so I think he sometimes just pretended we were sons. He srsly made me go outside and play catch with him. I told him I did not want to but he told me I had a good arm so I should. He wanted me to play softball but I said, "Sry, I am not a lesbian."

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Dancing

I do not know how to dance. I dance a lot.
It bothers me when a man in a movie uses the excuse that he can't dance as the reason for not being able to slow dance with a girl. It just does not make sense. Slow dancing requires no skill.
Yet, I managed to f*ck it up when I first started the life of slow dancing. The first time I slow danced was when I was 12. I was at a holiday ball that my parents went to and I was the coat girl. As a 12 year old, I was the height of a giant. A boy that was in high school working for the catering service asked me to dance because he thought I was older.
I never slow danced before.
I put my arms on his hips because I had no idea where to place my hands.
I am still kind of embarrassed.
Freak dancing, however, requires great skill, particularly in the "booty" area.
Freak dancing is an amazing art form. It involves lots of grinding and the serious sexual facial expression. Without that face, its not a true freak dance. Freak dancing releases sexual frustration. You cannot freak dance and laugh though. That makes it unsexy. Freak dancing is all about being as sexy as a dancer as you can to let your special dance friend that you are real good.
I cannot freak dance properly. I think it is too funny to take seriously. How does one shove the a$$ into the pelvis of the other, shimmy shake to the floor with it, and grind back up without laughing? It's virtually impossible.
People that take freak dancing seriously are hornballs.
This new superman dance that people do is really odd. I am completely anti synchronized dances because it is just weird. I get really mad when the Cha Cha Slide, Macarena, or Electric Slide come on. No, I do not want to dance to it. People are obsessed with peer pressuring others to dance those dumb dances. Please stop. I really do not want to. That is the one thing I am dreading for weddings. I am coming to an age where I will be going to a lot of weddings. I am not dreading open bar. I am dreading open bar + synchronized dance songs because there is no telling where that could lead.