Alarm Clocks

I need an alarm clock that will wake me up but not put me in a horrible mood.
The buzzing really makes me hate life.
The beeping makes me want to pull out my hair.
The cute little moving ones that crack stupid morning jokes make me want to puke.
I need an alarm clock that will wake me up into a pleasant awakening with a happy attitude going into the rest of the day. I'm not sure that exists. I currently use my cell phone and I put it in vibrate mode and it has been working well until yesterday for the first time in my life I slept right through my double alarms that I set! So this morning I felt the need to use the alarm sound again. It was painful. Physically painful. I think purchasing a good alarm clock is worth coughing up some extra bucks but I do not know what is a good alarm clock. What about those ones that are jungle noises. I don't think that would be too bad. I used to think the ones that slowly get louder and louder would be good, until I used it and wanted to kill it in a harsher and more twisted way every time it raised a notch on the volume. The problem with that was I woke up at the slightest sound, so it just got worse every second. I think the actual rooster ones are the worst. I think I would accidentally kick real roosters because they reminded me of how mad they make me each morning and I'm not into harming animals. The worst alarm clock was my mother. In high school I let her wake me up. Bless her little heart for being so kind as to wake me up, but it just made me so mad at her! No scratch that, the worst was my little cousin. Whoever thought it was funny to tell little Olivia to wake up her cousin should be forced to eat egg salad because Olivia thought it was really funny to actually jump on me as a wake up call. I however, didn't find the humor in it.

I think the world would be a better place if we could all just wake up naturally and let our days begin naturally. We would be so much happier. I would really like it.