a poem

i wish i was just a little shorter
since im taller than a tree
i cannot wear any heels
no boy would talk to me

i wish i could eat ice cream all day
but our freezer is too full
i should not have it anyway
it makes my stomach roll

i wish i did not have homework
what a f*cking pain
it takes up so much precious time
but there is so little that i gain

i wish i never had to work
it makes me so f*cking tired
i hate the world when my alarm rings
thank god coffee keeps me wired

i wish i would exercise more
but its just so hard start
apparently i prefer to sit
over having a healthy heart

i wish cocky men did not exist
they make me want to die
i hate their big pecks and gelled hair
it makes me want to die

i wish that people were somewhat nicer
but they all just seem so mean
i think we should think more like hippies
and concentrate on green

i wish i would answer my cell phone more
but i just do not have a choice
i hate it so much because then i must
hear that annoying lady's voice

i wish i had some magic powers
like a genie or a witch
i would fly or be invisible
and be such a sneaky bitch

i wish that boys weren't such dicks
because they all kind of are
even when you have some hope, you'll find
he has been boning some slut from the bar

i wish i had a billion dollars
i would be everyones favorite friend
i would probably move to NYC
and start a fashion trend

i wish that everyone wouldn't smell
why dont you people shower?
at least refrain from raising arms
cause B.O. has killing power

i wish i could constantly eat candy
it just tastes so god damn good
if it didnt turn into chubby fat
i would eat it all i could

i wish for many so things
all of which wont happen
note: i hate being in public bathrooms
when someone else is crappin'

Wrestling

Ewwww. Why? I don't get it. It's gross. I think everyone that attends a wrestling match just feels really uncomfortable.
Girl wrestlers? What? Why? Congrats on doing something different, but thats kind of just weird. But I did like that one episode of Saved By The Bell when that girl wrestled. But that wasn't real life. If I had a daughter and she told me she wanted to wrestle, I would tell her that she is disgusting and needs to see a doctor. Actually, if I had a son that wanted to wrestle, I would first ask him if he was gay. If he was, I would tell him that he didn't have to wrestle just to touch other men. I am not sure how many wrestlers are in fact gay, and I actually think the number is pretty low, but I think if you were afraid of coming out of the closet you would maybe want to take it up. Wrestlers basically have sex.
If he told me he was straight I would tell him, "No you cannot wrestle, you are just going through an awkward phase and you will thank me later."
The True Life: I have an eating disorder with the wrestler was sad and made me hungry for him.
Why can you spot a wrestler so easily? Short: check. Weird sort of muscley upper bod: check.
AND CLEAN THE MATS YOU SICKOS. It is common for wrestlers to get staph infection. Gross. Really Really Grody.
I'm sure wrestlers are nice people but I am just confused where their heads at. Or maybe its their parents to blame because I know my child will never be one of them. Or maybe I should be getting on the creator of wrestling, but I'm pretty sure he created it as a joke and someone didn't get it. Sports should have balls. ONE ball. (I actually can't believe I just made that joke)
The WWF is actually entertaining to me. But please note that I am referring to high school and college style wrestling. Not entertaining professional.

Thanks

Thanksgiving time is approaching us so I thought I would list some things that I am thankful for.

seinfeld. deodorant. spray butter. elimidate. chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. fleece sheets. convenience stores. youtube. scarves. feather beds. sparks. owl jewelry. stomp the yard. cell phones. tater tots. creepy staches on small men. internet. gnomes. casual fridays. britney spears drama. topsy tails. bottled water. parks. duff's chicken wings. the sunscreen song. witnessing awkward moments. roofs. NOW thats what I call music. wet hot american summer. green. musical beats. boxed wine. health. air conditioning. sour patch kids. smart people. americas got talent. french fries. art. those cards that play music. bob saget. the onion. benjamin franklin. yearbooks. reality tv. sappy love songs. hotties. nintendo. pizza. fake meat. bad dance moves. jason schwartzman, hoodies. larry david. kittens & puppies. abbreviations. red necks. opposable thumbs. 100 calorie packs. spice girls. girl scout cookies. that skateboarding dog. flowers. wikipedia. root beer brain fart. bikes. trends of unattractive radio djs. whispering sweet nothings. pain pills. lottery tickets. barbed wire tats. blue collar comedy tour. lasers. child proteges. the office. mashed potatoes. 90s. zoo books. britas. freedom. chapstick. fast facts. the sun. hanson hype. liberals. nick names. open communication. anti-lock brakes. hypnotism. gmail. dmx. friendship. being warm. boredom. towne restaurant. urban dictionary. glasses. doctors. kimya dawson. personal ads. ipods. humus. substituting the word "boy" for "boi". technology. death metal. landmarks. acronyms. cheese. magic johnson. funny last names. mr. show. traveling. magic. indoor plumbing. nothing. soft bunnies. qwerty keyboards. zoos. guidos. guido dance moves. guido hairdos. guido gangs. guido accents. slutty halloween costume justification. tricks. thanksgiving. swedish fish. pull throughs. 4 seasons. jenny lewis. conspiracy theories. flat shoes. corn bread. calculator watches. band aids. concealer. modest mouse. candid camera. the NEXT bus. not living in dorms. sunscreen. fresh fruit. being fancy. nyquil. chocolate. christmas time. language. trash collectors. handy snacks. playboy bunny accessories. clean dishes.

Bums

I feel bad for them.
I would imagine they have really good stories to tell.
My grandma thinks that many of them are just crazy in the head and got on a bus that they did not really know where it was going and got off and were forever lost.
A bum with a guitar should be really good because he has a lot of time to practice.
People that own Bum Fights are going to hell.
A bum asked my father for money and my dad replied, "no, thank you"
I do not understand why Buffalo has bums. If you were a bum would you not make your way to somewhere warmer? Florida and California should have the highest populations of bums.
Bums wear winter jackets all year long. I think I would bury mine if I had no where to put it rather than wearing it all summer long.
If I were a younger bum, I would definitely live in a college.
If I were a bum, I would spend my days thinking of a way to become successful, do it, and then make millions just for telling my success story because its always better if you start out poor. Look at Jewel and J.K. Rowling.

Police

Police are weird. I do not understand why anyone would ever want to be one. What if you get into a huge gunfight for this one hostage and become paralyzed and then later find out the hostage is a huge dick. Who wants to save a huge dick? I see the good in being a police man, mostly from watching Superbad, Family Matters, and Garden State. These are good examples which prove to me that they too are just regular people like each and every one of us. I feel bad that I get annoyed when I see a police man though. They are just trying to save my life, but I don't like them still. I want to drive fast. I want to have wild rages in my house without worrying if the "popos" will show up. I want to drink my sparks on my way to my friends house. I want to pregame in the car trip down. I want to steal. I want to park in the fire lane. but noooooooo I can't because I do not want to pay extra money. So I live a life by the law.
I don't think the whole police and donut thing is too funny. Actually, I do not think its funny at all.
I would like to be a police person to beat people with that stick thing. I never tried to hurt someone with all my might because I am basically super strong, so I have fears that I would kill the person. But I would have a good excuse if I was a police woman.
The reason this is my latest blog topic is because I was in a little hurry this morning. But actually not really, I just like driving the speed I feel like driving. Sometimes its slow and steady and sometimes fast as f*ck. So I chose the fast choice this morning and for the first time in my life, I got pulled over. I was listening to a sad song so I was already a little on the edge, but then I got pulled over and knew it was the best time to cry ever. I let him have it. He got tears before my license, therefore I got away with a nice warning. I like taking advantage of my gender. Crying when you get pulled over is one way to do it. A few more ways to take advantage of being a girl are 1. you can be a ditz just to get away with things. 2. free drinks 3. carry less 4. wear makeup to cover imperfections 5. get out of anything due to cramps 6. blame any freak out on pms 7. listen to kelly clarkson guilt free.