Raisins

Who would ever think to eat them? Grapes...ok they are real good. So juicy, so nice. But if I had a nice grape and then watched it shrivel up over the days/weeks, I would not be interested in eating it. I would be really grossed out actually. Never would it cross my mind to eat that wrinkly little wonder because I thought that maybe it would taste good. So whoever discovered raisins is interesting and I wish I could meet him. Do not think I am being rude by saying him even though I am not sure who discovered them because, lets face it, a guy discovered raisins. I would bet a lot of money. Men are better at discovering things than women. I bet that is a fact. Women are too scared and not daring enough to eat such a little shriveled thing.
I am really unsure about how I feel about raisins. I like them, but if I never ate one again, I would not be upset. Things like chocolate, I would die if I was told I could never eat it again. That is why I am scared of becoming allergic to things. I am currently not allergic to anything. I would die if I was allergic to cats, chocolate, and grapes. I say grapes mostly because I am obsessed with wine, not because I need raisins in my life. Ok, so that is a little confusing, so I will summarize this paragraph. I do not need to eat raisins ever again but I would die if I was allergic to grapes because I am an active wine drinker.
I do not drink real deal wine, just Franzia Refreshing White. So refreshing. So white. So cheap. Such lovely feelings.
Cookies with raisins are such a disappointment if you are unsure if its a chocolate chip or a raisin. It is sad to be a raisin because the chocolate chip always wins. On a cookie. In trail mix. Always gone before the lonely less popular raisin. At least cinnamon friended the raisin to make it not completely hated. If you were to think of them as people: Chocolate chips would belong to the cool club. Cinnamon would be the class president that likes everyone that helped raisins, the struggling loser trying to fit in, become apart of the social yet not completely cool club. For example, raisins would be the girl that although she is not the most attractive, she has a pretty good personality so you still give her a chance. Just like she would push her personality for acceptance, raisins push being healthy to get people to choose them over the chip.
In conclusion, raisins are weird. I once came across the tiniest grape that nature could produce. So cute and tiny to the point where I could not eat him. So cute that he became a him instead of an it. So cute that I named him Melvin. So Melvin became a household wonder. We adopted him when we first moved to my current house and it is there that he still resides. He has aged into a lovely raisin and we plan on daring someone to eat him. But, at the same time, he has grown on me and I do not want to see him eaten.

Corn Dogs

These things are weird. They make me very skeptical. These days, I am taking over the role of a vegetarian so I will not eat them. I have never had a corn dog. Never in my life. I think they are weird. But I also think that I would like them. I feel that a lot of people are anti corn dogs. But why? They are so handy. They are on a stick!
I feel they are shunned upon because they promote white trash. They save the need to buy a bun. So that's nice.
I tried morning star vegetarian corn dogs. I liked them. I will be purchasing them again. I am not ashamed.
Is corn bread the bread they use on corn dogs?
Maybe it's the name that scares anti corn doggers away. It's a gross name. I think we should change the name to Weiner Sticks.
They also have mini corn dogs. How cute.
Everything mini is cuter. Cuter but not by any means better. Examples:
An ipod mini is cute, but obvi an 80 Gig is better.
Those mini pop cans are cute, but you look like a creep drinking them.
Mini plane food is cute and better cause its just really neat. I got a miniature Sprite when I went to France. Now you are thinking a can cut in half like the ones I just referred to. BUT that is not what I am referring to. It was exact proportioned can to the original only 3 times smaller! How cute! So obviously I did not drink it. I put it in my cute mini fridge that I had in France. There it sat for 5.5 weeks. I saved it. Tempted to make a mixed drink with it, I held back. I knew, it was worth saving it. Too cute. TOo CuTe.
Plane ride home. They gave me miniature bottles of wine. Yessss. Then...ZomgZzZ! I left my minipop in the minifridge. MiNi FrEaK Out. I saved and saved and prevailed yet, my stupid brain forgot about it when it came time to packing. What a stupid day. But then it came to me. I do not need a perfectly proportioned mini can of pop to make me happy. Happiness is better when shared and I was not planning on sharing that minipop with anyone.

Creed vs. Nickelback

Is there a difference? If you know the difference, did you seriously spend the time to distinguish between the two? Can one say I like Creed but not Nickelback? They have to be the same band because they both must realize that they singlehandedly destroyed the definition of music. I would rather listen to someone barfing. I listen to a variety of music. Some of it is considered real good. Some of it is considered real bad. But all of it sounds better than someone yarfing.

True Story: I was youtubin' it the other evening and I wanted to see an actual music video of this horrible Nickelback that people speak of. It was then that I became extremely depressed. There I was watching a Nickelback video realizing I knew most of the words. "How could this be?" I thought to myself.

It was then that I realized the devil is Nickelback. How else could those horrible lyrics be trapped into my brain? It made me sick. Made me almost barf. That would have been better though because then I would not have to listen to that horrible devil music.

That must be the difference between Nickelback and Creed. I am happy to say that I do not know any Creed lyrics. Therefore, Creed is just really disgustingly horrible and Nickelback is actually the devil.

Nintendo

Love it. Live it. Like it. Play it. Game it. I love playing nintendo. The best days I have lived are the ones where I play nintendo all day long. Maybe eat. Mostly just game. I swear a lot more when I play nintendo. I get so upset with the world when I lose a life. It sucks! Playing nintendo might stress me out more than real life stress. I get really nervous for every castle that I enter. My heart beats. My palms get sweaty. I need to defeat the castle. I must. F*ck. I just got little. F*ck the world. My life sucks. The world is a vampire. I hate the world. OMG ZOMG. A mushroom! The magic shroom! I'm big again. My life makes sense once again. (wipes palms and takes a deep breath). Search for fire power. That is my mind about every few minutes.
Some of the biggest fights I have ever gotten into with my sister have been from nintendo. "Go get the key!" "Where?!" "No!!! You passed it! Why would you do that?" "I didn't know!" "You're so bad, I knew I should have done one player" or she would pause it on me when I am in midair to me screw up so it would be her turn or she would always take all the mushroom houses. I am pretty sure we did not speak to each other for two days when we had our hugest nintendo blow out.
I also like games with guns. I love cyber killing. I am against real world killing. Racing is always classic fun. Mario kart <3.
In conclusion, nintendo makes the world a better place. I <3 techonology. I will never be one of those mothers that tells my children to get off nintendo and go outside because if you get real good, you can compete and make a lot of money. And I will be killing their brains out in 007 right along with them. I'll be the cool mom.

"Gamers never say die"

Karaoke

Karaoke is its own cock block. Does anyone look good actually doing it? I guess if a girl goes for super funny and you somehow manage to pull off funny and not absolutely ridiculous, you might have a chance of getting away with it. But chances are, she will stop being interested.
What pulls me towards that counter to sing a Jackson 5 hit, I'm not sure. I say to myself, "You will make a fool of yourself. You really should not sign up for anything. Just stay in the crowd. Don't be weird. Don't be weird. Don't do it." But my fingers do not listen to my brain and on they go writing down the number to I Want You Back.
Friends always support their friends to sing.
Friends are jerks.
They should be saying, "You will look so stupid and its a really bad idea to get up on stage." BUT Noooooooo. Friends say, "SING! ALONE! It will be awesome!"
I guess karaoke would not be a cock block if you sang, "put it in my mouth" by Akinyele. I would guess free drinks the rest of the night. You whore.
I think karaoke is a good time. You cannot do it sober unless you are one of those high on life weirdos. Or unless you get up there and hold the mic and do not move and everyone thinks you are real weird.
The regulars at karaoke are funny because they have "their song."
I think karaoke is spelled in such a dumb way.
This is worth going to
I'm really attracted to any man that sings any Creed song and does not look at the screen.

Cracklin' Oat Bran

The name is misleading. Cracklin' makes me skeptical. (mostly due to the lack of a "g") Oat makes me think meh. And bran makes me think I need to be over the age of 65 to eat it. Yet, its the best cereal ever. Looks like dog food. Tastes like glorious pieces of heaven. The cereal is made of oat bran flavored with cinnamon and nutmeg, and held together by brown sugar in the form of a Squared O. I used to eat it as a child. I do not purchase it often because the box is so small and its still so expensive. But its soooo good. But sometimes I just buy it because its very necessary. It's good with milk. It's good without milk. I'm happy its here. I think maybe they made it such a weird name to keep this magical wonder a secret. But I'm unleashing the secret and letting you know that it's good. It's really really good.

Bitches

I hate them! Why are they alive? I think they are mean people. Not mean people that "upper deck" everyone's house that they go to, but mean in a much more devilish way. Why? I'm not sure. I think they hate life and want to make sure everyone knows it. It's funny to be a bitch if you're a nice person. I had a problem with this. I used to be nice. I used to be a real nice young little girl. But then, I started being bitchy as a joke. Oh it was very funny. Everyone couldn't believe nice little girl was being super bitchfest. But then, I grew fond of this bitchy attitude. I do not know what attracted me to adopt this new lifestyle but with every bitch comment that came out of my mouth, I was enjoying it more and more. I still do not like bitches. I am on my way back to being nice. It's kinda tough.

I also believe that bitches date really nice men and it confuses me a lot.

I also think that it's funny to say "Bitch, please!" (but it has to be said like, "BiTCH, PLEEEEEEEEEEZ"

I used to think it was funny to say "Betch" at the time when I also thought OMG Shoes was funny.

Sometimes its funny to say "Besh" but you have to use it VERY sparingly to pull it off. And you have to be nice.

Bitch glares scare me.

I have mastered the Bitch Glare. I have only given it several times. If I give it to you and do not smile afterwards, I would be scared. But then not really because I do not go any further than the bitch glare. Whats next? Bitch glare leads to bitch fight? I choose walking away and making fun of her outfit.

I think bitches are annoying.

This is what I classify a bitch as:

• pink phone


• fake tan


• fake hair


• pointy bitch shoes


• too much attitude


• often found at malls


• often also a slut


• often calls other girls sluts


• wore a tiara on her 16th and 21st birthday


• squeal scream


• often has a permanent mean face on


• says "like" more than anything


• nice to your face, makes fun of you behind your back


• death glare rays


• still calls her father "daddy"


• a huge jerk


• ODs on text messaging


• bitch eye liner


• does not drink beer


• makes the grossed out face at fat people


• complains like no other


• thinks the world revolves around her


• puppy dog eyes her father


• prefers being called princess


• never kills a spider

"Bitches get stitches."

Don't be a bitch.

YouTube

This could be the best thing that happened to me since nintendo. I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally like youtube. This is what I like about it:

• how it has the ability to make anyone famous:
  
  
• how if you are caught doing something dumb, than you will regret it 100 times more:
  
• unlimited videos of fat people falling:
  
• step-by-step video of how to do that soulja boy dance:
• 
  
• spices up people's comments on myspace:
  
  
• 
  
• reminisce about oldie but goodies:
  
  
• 
  
• and for this:
  
• and to catch awesomely horrible people being awesomely horrible:
  
• 
  
  
• and more fat fallers:
  
  

Abercrombie & Fitch

So I just made a side note in one of my recent blogs about this store, but now I feel it deserves its own blog. This is a store for 7th grade brats and jerks. You are in 7th grade. It's cool to wear expensive things. You are a brat/jerk, so you have your parents buy you these dumb clothes with Abercrombie across the chest. Ok, I can handle that. It might be cool in 7th grade. Now, I am older and I do not understand why people still wear these things. Have you ever been in the store? It's so uncomfortable. It's so loud. And its filled with cocky a-holes.
I did shop there before in my life. I wish I did not. But, we all make mistakes. So every time I was in there, they never asked me to work there. They always ask attractive people to work there. Abercrombie people think I'm ugly. It's also a bad store for that reason because if I see a nonattractive worker, instead of me thinking he is a normal person, I question how he got the job because his face is pretty rank.
Rumor has it that the unattractive A&F workers work after hours resetting up the clothes for the next day. If you are reading this blog and realize that you work at A&F and you only work when the store is closed. Sorry, you're ugly.
Boys that wear Abercrombie after the age of 20 are a part of a fraternity.
Boys that wear Abercrombie after the age of 20 and are not a part of a fraternity, act like the type of man that is in a fraternity, meaning cocky-a-hole-jerk-i-hate-you-dick-face-y-do-u-gel-your-hair-and-still-pop-your-collar type of men.
What is so intriguing about a shirt that says Abercrombie across your chest? I would much rather prefer a shirt that says "look, but don't touch."
I actually saw a girl wearing that. She had major boobs and I wish she didn't because that would be funnier.
I also saw the fattest man ever have a shirt that said, "I beat anorexia." I laughed. Then I saw it again and thought, "That was only funny the first time."
I like when ugly people wear shirts that say, "I think therefore I'm single" Because I want to tell them, "No, I'm pretty sure you're single due to the rankness all over your face and body."
Moving on. This is what I now question. So I get clothes for Christmas from my mother that I am not too fond of. But some are nice but not amazing. I don't like returning so sometimes I end up wearing something that I do not completely agree with. So, my sister is like me. Shes not into the whole Abercrombie market. But my mother does not know this. Shes just a nice little mom. So she bought us sweatshirts that say Abercrombie on the front for Christmas last year. It was a nice thought but I just was not into it. I exchanged mine for some extremely overpriced jeans. My sister, although did not really like it, thought it was comfy so she kept it.
So basically what I'm saying is this: Maybe you shouldn't reject a person right away due to one thing. Let's start giving people second chances because who knows if thats the real them! Let's be proactive about wanting to get deeper inside the person and find out who they truly are. Get past that stupid Abercrombie shirt and find what's in his heart.

I'm just kidding. I mean sometimes it might be a fluke that that Abercrombie wearing person isn't a dumb dick, but thats one in a trazillion.